Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Hello. It's been two months since my last post. And I've grown up since then.

I've been spending the last phase of my hiatus thinking and rethinking and rerethinking about what I needed to do to change my life. Which of course and needless to say needs to include doing something that I really want and I really like. And I was literally fighting with myself mentally every day to figure that out.

I like too many things, have done too many things. I figured it was time to specialise. But then that thought begged the question, specialise in what exactly? I love this too much to drop for the sake of that and have done that too long that I've become good at it to leave it for this. And then there are these and those which I am quite capable and very keen on taking up too. But at this stage of my life and career, is it wise to make a 360-degree turn?

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

And then of course there are my well-meaning friends with their ratatouille of advices. I looked at myself in the mirror and asked the question my late dad told me to ask myself twenty-five years ago. "Who Am I?"

I then stopped the entire whirligig, got down on my knees, and prayed to Allah s.w.t.

For that is who I am, His servant.

I prayed to him to show me which is the right path to take, and whether I should even be doing this at all.

The next day, I woke up in the morning, and He showed me the light. My heart and my head were clear as day.

The rest is history.

I took the first step. I guess the time wasn't right in the years before, but it is so now. I made a decision which I knew was giong to change my life forever, for the better. In my mind, I saw a door open, leading out to a place where I have always, always wanted to be. Instantly, I changed. I saw and felt myself differently. I rise above the circumstances I am in, breathing easier.

I successfully registered myself for a Master of Science degree by research. Fourteen years after graduating with my first degree, I finally embraced my ambition of attaining postgraduateship.

A Masters may not be a big deal to other people. In the words of my good friend Sham Murad, "Sekarang ni bersepah orang ada Masters." But you see, it's not about the degree. It's about who you are and what you can do with that degree.

And for me, it's about finally doing the right thing and doing myself right, for the first time in a long, long time.